Hate is such a powerful word.  It is a word that I don’t say very often because I can honestly say there aren’t many things in this world that I hate.  To say that you hate something means you never want to see it, look at it, be around it, or wish it upon anyone else.  When you think of it in those terms, there aren’t many things that fit into that category…. Except for COVID.

When COVID started there were so many unknowns.  We all sat at home and watched what was on TV or Social Media and if you were like me, one day you felt like everyone was blowing this way out of proportion and then other days it made you nervous. 

Then you start to see the world divide.  People started taking sides.  To wear masks or not to wear masks.  To stay home and quarantine or to leave your house and live your life.  Either way you were being judged by someone.   There hasn’t been a day that went by that I haven’t worried about my decisions.  Did I just expose myself?  Did I just expose my children?  Are my children going to react differently to this virus than others?  Am I going to be someone who can’t fight this virus because I have this blood type or because I have some other illness?   Did I just expose my parents?  Are my children depressed because they haven’t seen their friends or been able to play sports or do anything fun for so long?  These questions and so many more have become part of my daily life…

Now today, 9 months into this pandemic and after gaining some freedom back they are talking about another lock down.  This time seems different though.  Why?  For me it is different because so many people that I know have had or have COVID.  Most of them have dealt with it and recovered.  Was it easy?  For some it was but for others it was miserable.  I sit here today thinking to myself.. when am I going to get it? 

The worst part about this virus is really starting to hit home for me though.  My grandfather who has been living in a nursing home was exposed to COVID and diagnosed with it last week.  A man that is 96 years old is now going to live his last few days alone without any of his family there to comfort him.  How awful is that!  Now is when all the emotions come.  I’m sad, I’m mad, I’m scared.  I HATE COVID!  Even if my grandpa wasn’t dying of COVID it’s still COVID that is keeping us from being by his side right now.  So when people say that the majority of those who die from COVID have underlying issues or are old, you may be right and I would be lying if I didn’t say that those words haven’t come out of my mouth too, it still doesn’t mean that that 96 year old man should have to die alone.

Today I pray for my grandpa.  I pray that he finds comfort and doesn’t have to suffer.  I pray that his caretakers watch over him and give him the love and comfort we can’t.  I pray for my mom and her siblings, I pray for our entire family!  I pray that all of those who are dealing with the loss of a  family member can find comfort.  I pray for those that are sick from other illnesses, may they hide from this virus and find strength to deal with these illnesses and I pray for their families because watching your loved ones through these hard times is such a helpless feeling. 

I did not share these thoughts because I am judging you for living your life the way you choose.  I only share these thoughts for those who are also going through these same emotions.  You aren’t alone!  Will I continue to question my decisions and worry about whether we are living our lives right or wrong.  The answer is yes… another reason why I HATE COVID.


Frank Anderson was reunited with his wife Bernice Anderson November 20, 2020.  Rest In Peace Grandpa!


  • Gloria Gunn

    Thank you for the strong message! It is heartbreaking to have to watch your 96 year old father through a window as COVID slowly takes over his body. He does not see us, he does not hear our words of love, he is alone, totally alone. No one should have to be alone. We pray the Good Lord will end his suffering. Our hearts are broken.

  • Jody Bielmaier

    You certainly spoke to me through this post Kim. I lost my 96 year olds grandma to COVID a few days ago. I will pray for Frank and your family.

Leave a comment

Please note, comments must be approved before they are published